How Not to Organise a Room, Or Your Life.

I may have slightly misrepresented exactly how calm and tidy and ordered things are at our house, by my carefully chosen pictures. Those below, of our 'conservatory', will surely put to death any assumptions about my organisational or housewifely expertise.

The kitchen door is on the left. Wet washing is hung here if it's raining.
My stock pile store shelves and shelving with less frequently used kitchen equipment.
Washer, dryer and freezer are on the left. Jack's art box and a cat basket on the right.

This room is a a metaphor for my brain. I may give the impression that I know what I am doing and that I have everything under control. I don't.



The other end of the same room.
On the right a door to the side of the house,
on the left the door to the tiny shed. Stacks of Stuff and drying underwear.



There are parts of my life, and my home, which I don't want to tackle. I put off dealing with them until they become overwhelming and such an impediment to happiness, that I can put it off no longer.

So, now you know the truth. Do you have a room which is a disaster?

Be honest. How many?

Link to pictures, so I can feel better.

Round and Round The Garden

This is what's happening in my garden this week. Lettuce leaves ready to pick for sandwiches. Time to sow another pot full.


Lettuce leaves

Our first strawberries were enjoyed by a family of blackbirds. They are now netted.

Netted strawbs

Thankfully, they've not discovered the raspberries. From a single plant, now taking over a little section of the garden, this was probably my best ever garden buy. They fruit from June until November and delicious they are too.

First Rasp

I've got a few courgettes plants this year. Only had one last year and it never actually produced any fruit, just flowers. I'm covering my bases this year.

tiny baby yellow courgettes

These pink things flower like weeds all over our estate. Not sure what they are, but they are prolific flowerers.

The flower border, overrun by these pink invaders

We have a very old philadelphus which is I find tricky to prune at the right time of year, in order to ensure it flowers again the next year. It needs dramatic pruning this year. I hope I don't kill it.

Philadelphus flowering at last

Our dark plot on the side of the house is planted up with lettuces, chard and peas. It's all a bit of an experiment. Our neighbour, a retired farmer, shook his head and told us nothing would grow there. We're hoping to prove him wrong. If these don't work, then we'll try something else.

Dark border planted with veg and protected from Tessie

What's this? It's my lad. I was trying to take a passport style photo for a Young Person's Railcard. But it failed. Too much colour in the background.

My boy

He's off to LST today for a day's teaching on The Prophets. Yes, that's his own choice! He had to switch work around to fit it in and worked on one of his precious days off yesterday in order to do that. Then he went straight on to one of the youth groups he volunteers at, to lead worship. He really is following the Lord and I'm very proud of him.

What is happening in your garden at the moment? Link to a blog post in the comments, if you like.

Plans

Life has been hurtling along at breakneck speed lately. I subscribe to all this slowing down business but then I burst into Type A anxiety that I'm not 'getting enough done'. I have a strong desire to wring everything possible out of each day.

Some tomato relish I made.
It needed a LOT more tomatoes than I'd anticipated
so won't attempt this again until I have considerably more.

Jamie and I have written a proposal for church about how to do outreach with 15-20 age group in our town. It will require an initial outlay of about £200. So, it went before the leadership team and they did not approve it. 'Why?' was the question asked, so now Jamie and I have to meet the team and explain the 'vision' for the project and why it needs money. {sigh} The vision is that we'd have some people aged 15-20 in our church, coming to Christ. This is the only demographic which the church does nothing for at the moment.

Checking out resources for English

I've also announced locally that I'll be teaching a group of kids the Cambridge (CIE) board English IGCSE from September. I've had interest from 5 parents so far. I need 6-7 really to go ahead. The trouble is that most parents believe that they can handle English themselves. It's seen as an 'easy' subject. I'm not so sure about that, myself. Even I, a qualified and experienced English teacher and examiner, felt the need to use a correspondence course last year, but part of that was because Jack was not taking instruction from me very well, any more, at that point.

We'll see if this group goes ahead in September. I really hope so.

Amazing Grace, a rose that a friend gave me on my Baptism Day.

Grace has been approved to receive some social care help next academic year to help her with independence skills. I'm not sure what her Care Manager thinks can be achieved with this that neither Jamie and I or college were able to, but we're pleased that it is going to be conducted under the supervision of an occupational therapist. She'll also get a budget for respite care for us, but she does not have to use it to go into a 'respite house' which would be totally inappropriate for her. We can use it to pay someone (possibly even someone we already know) to take her out and about for the evening, possibly into Oxford to the Aspie social group that meets there. That would indeed give Jamie and I an evening alone, if we can kick Jack out somewhere (not hard) every now and then.

Some of Jack's summer reading.
He's hoping to sound a little knowledgeable
when he goes for his university interviews.

The second car broke down and is being repaired, which has its blessings. It means I can't go anywhere today. I might cook. Or garden. Or read. Or plan for the meeting with the church's leadership team. Or clean windows? A day full of possibilities.

Kitchen Worries, Failures and Successes

I'm worrying a little bit about this major E Coli outbreak in Germany and the knock on effects of confidence in salad vegetables. When I go shopping later today, I'll be checking the source of the salad stuff I buy, but since no one knows where the outbreak is originating, that might be pretty pointless.


Fresh salads with a dollop of E Coli?

My pineapple vinegar ended in a failure. It fermented beautifully for about 10 days and then  stopped, so I assumed it was ready but duh, that was just the alcohol producing stage. I was supposed to wait for another month or so for the vinegar itself to form. Oh well, I will have another go!

My pineapple vinegar bubbling away nicely

I found some very cheap peaches and had a bag of frozen raspberries and since we'd run out of all last year's jam, I got to making some of my and Jamie's favourite jam.

Peach and raspberry jam

 I only made a few pots and will make more of this later in the year.

 

I love slapping those labels onto home-made preserves.


This jam is the BEST for making jam rolly polly. (3 cups s/r flour, 1/3 cup butter, rubbed in, milk to mix into a dough, roll into a rectangle and spread with jam. Roll up and drop into a loaf tin or similar. Glaze with beaten egg or milk and bake for about half an hour.)


Rolling the jam rolly polly



I don't often crave dessert but when I do, my thick home-made greek yoghurt with a swirl of my home-made cherry jam is just the thing. I love making things in the kitchen. I just wish I had more time to do it.

A simple dessert of home-made yoghurt and cherry jam
which I made from cherries on a friend's tree.

While we were away this week, Jamie paid me a wonderful compliment. He said that none of his colleagues at work ate home-cooked food. They ate out, or pre-prepared food. He said I was a 'dying breed'. I know, it may not appear much like a compliment, but his Mum (who died when he was 21) was very much like this, so I knew it was a compliment. ;-)

Exuent Severally

It was a pretty momentous event.

For the first time in 20 years of parenthood, Jamie and I left Grace and Jack alone together overnight. We had booked a hotel near Stratford-Upon-Avon for one night and planned to relax, and take our time with things. Both of us felt the need to be away from home, if just for 24 hours, without our now adult children. Life has been pretty stressful lately.

The hotel in Alcester

It was hard to relax, the afternoon we arrived, because our leave-taking had been difficult. Jack was unimpressed with our plans and clearly resentful at being left 'in charge'. Also, Grace was feeling rather insecure about being left to Jack's tender mercies. 'Who's going to look after me? Jack won't. He doesn't even like me.'

We had painful conversations with both of them. There were tears. 

It was peaceful there

 But we needed to go. Jack needed to grow up and be a man and to CHOOSE compassion for his sister. (I've had previous conversations with him where he has boldly asserted that I can't MAKE him feel compassion for her.) Grace needed to feel that she could manage overnight with little supervision.

In the Shakespeare gardens by the canal

By the time we called them at 9.00pm to check that Jack had locked up the house, they were both more settled and watching a movie together. They sounded good. We could sleep easily.

The River Avon outside the theatre.
You can arrive at the theatre by river in the evenings.
I've always wanted to do that!

The next day, after proving yet again that buffet breakfasts can set you up for the whole day, we wandered around Stratford. We'd been there before, so had no need to see all the sights this time. It was amazingly quiet considering it was half-term. I guess most visitors there are international ones and the season for them hasn't started yet.

Round the back

We enjoyed exploring the newly re-opened RSC theatre. It was interesting to see the elements of the previous theatres from centuries past all melded together.

Inside the RSC

We took the lift to the top of the tower for a great 360* view around the town and the surrounding countryside. This was my favourite view. The Avon flowing, the rowing fours practicing, the canal boats, the green countryside stretching out and the spire of the church where the man himself lies buried.


The most beautiful view in the world.
From the top of the tower in the theatre.

Jamie and I got to be unhurried, relaxed and happy together. We might even do it again some time. 

Unaccompanied by children,
Jamie and I could linger wherever we wanted!

A Strong Marriage

Jamie and I have a strong marriage. It was not always so.

There were many factors which worked against a happy ending for us. For example, there were a few years in age difference between us. Soon after we met, he joined a rock band, which would take him around the world and mean frequent separations over the next eight years, in which lay obvious hazards to a strong relationship.

Another factor is that neither of us believed in marriage. We lived together at home and on tour, and frequently apart, for seven years. Eventually, we did decide to marry. It was then that things began to change. We didn't think that a formal commitment would make any difference to us. But it did.



An early Cult photo, probably from 1982.
Their first drummer, Ray, got deported to Sierra Leone.



More adverse factors then came into play. Years of infertility, failed attempts at pregnancy and a stillbirth among them. A transatlantic move, not being terribly good at being immigrants, a failed business and the loss of our home, unemployment, years of grinding poverty and debt all took their toll. During this time, we were also dealing with Grace's undiagnosed autism, abandonment by our families and my lengthy period of depression.

On paper, this marriage should not have worked out.

People started to give us advice about marriage. Things like, make sure you have enough time on your own, always put the children second to your marriage, make sure you have regular sex even when you don't feel like it (advice given to me, not to him!), don't have the babies in your bed, do this, don't do that. All this advice was given with stern warnings of what would happen should we fail to heed it.

We ignored it all. Our marriage broke all those rules We did things our way. We are still here, stronger than ever. Love, respect, kindness. Principles over Ideals. Our way has worked for us.

In a few months, we'll have been together for 30 years. I'm glad we found each other. 



Last month, Jamie at a theme park for Grace's birthday.



Doing Things In Bursts

I'm not so young any more. It's been a long time coming, that admission. I am not as capable of non-stop working as I was when I was 24. The reason for that is that I am (approaching) 54. I get tired. I get ill. I take longer to recover from extreme busyness and illnesses.
 

Wholewheat cheese scones

It's incredibly difficult for a Type A personality like me to have to slow down and not expect so much from myself. In fact, I don't even know if it's possible. I'm just experimenting with the idea of telling myself that it is.


Lentil and vegie soup



Jamie and I have just taken on responsibility for the older teens at our church. As well as everything else that we do. At the same time as trying to kick start my 'career' and propel my two kids, one of them with autism, into their adult lives.



There's gardening to be done.



See, my brain is full of ideas that need to come to completion. For eg, I believe that there ought to be a youth band at church leading worship occasionally. Because I believe it, I put forward a proposal for one, knowing in my heart of hearts, that it will be Jamie and I doing the ground work to get it started.



Two loaves of challah for Shabbat



Sometimes, I have great bursts of energy and ideas. These periods are followed times of mind-numbing lethargy and/or exhaustion. About 10 years ago, I and my doctor actually wondered if I hade bi-polar disorder and I was evaluated for it. I don't. But I do follow a pattern of extremes. Just not extreme enough for that diagnosis.



Music planning and knitting



What I've slowly and painfully accepted is that this is how I am. I have times of energy and creativity where I joyously start big projects outside my home, followed by times of tiredness/illnesss/stress and depression where I dread to complete them. Fortunately, I have a GREAT husband who enjoys the ride. For the most part. eg 'I know, Jamie. Let's emigrate!' or indeed, 'Let's home educate!' I think he'd be bored with another woman.



Making 2 teabreads. One or now and one in the freezer.



I think that the key to staying this side of sane is to let go the feelings of guilt I have when I am too tired to follow through on something immediately. Instead of welcoming the bursts of energy and creativity and cursing the times of enforced stillness, I think that I need to welcome BOTH phases equally. And ditch the guilt. I think, probably, at age 54, I ought to stop hating myself for not being 100% on top of everything all the time.

Who knows? Maybe then I'd have enough energy to lead another revolution? ;-)



Prague 1989.
A good year for revolutions.